Thursday, November 25, 2010

I don't know where to start. 

Writing Happy Thanksgiving and summarizing what I am thankful for just wasn't enough, especially after the year my family and I experienced. I don't think I've ever understood the real meaning of Thanksgiving, besides forcing myself to sit down,  reflect and examine everything in my life and be thankful for them. My parents taught my brother and I at a young age that we needed to understand the importance of being humble, because at some point it could all be taken away; they knew what that felt like, but I hadn't my life had been very fortunate, but I made sure to note the possibility and be thankful with all my heart. 

(click to find out all I'm thankful for)

P.S. Disregard the typos... just re-read it and noticed the many...just wrote this in a rush!

2010 day was Pinnacle... in respects to learning the REAL meaning of being humble and THANKFUL for life and EVERYTHING we experience and most importantly the lowest of lowest times and the most heart breaking situations that occur as well as the most AMAZING heart-warming and heart feeling moments you NEVER want to forget. 

I felt it all began when I transferred to a new college... 

5 years of all girl catholic schooling was great. I was able to develop a curiosity and a love for learning as well as a drive to be a successful woman, but when I left H.S. for an all girl college it wasn't the same experience. I felt I was missing something. I felt stagnant and that my goals were slipping away, so I did something about it. Moved back home and transferred to a new College. It was quite the experience... It was a private liberal art school and a bit of a culture shock from what I had been accustomed too, but I liked every part of it, especially that I'm developing my major and taking the initiative to take every step possible to get closer and closer to my goals in the fashion industry.

Then... I met a boy who became my first love. I've taken my first big girl trips with him and traveled to places I wouldn't have considered. These trips by ourselves taught me to be independent and find a love for visiting different places and seeing a world I hadn't known. I've learned the importance of opening my heart and being honest with myself. I've learned to listen to my inner voice and do what is in my heart. This has been one of the happiest times in my life, because all that I have learned and I am learning surprises me. I would have never thought I'd learn about myself in a relationship... usually people loose themselves. We encourage each other to be our best. We have taught each other to be selfless and not hung up on drama and the importance of confronting situations. One of my favorites things he has taught me... is to not sweat the small stuff.

My experience with love has taught me to appreciate my relationship with my BEST FRIENDS. I love those girls. It is one of those DEATH TILL US PART relationships and I would kill for them. What I appreciate is how honest we are with another. We've been each others supports through any losses and we've been each others supports during the most beautiful moments. We're unique and ourselves. We have different styles and LOVE being individuals and we encourage that with in each other. We don't like copying each other, we don't like being the same and Were different and I LOVE THAT. They've seen me cry and have been there to listen even if they didn't understand what I was going through. We've had our laughs... the sore cheeks and stomach hurting kind of laughs and I love that.

With a new understanding of myself and some wonderful experiences... low times followed....

My family and I experienced two family deaths in one month.

My grandfather was the first. That had been my first family related death experience and  I accepted what happened, because he lived a full life, I had some of the best and memorable experiences with him, and I knew that he would be in a better place now and not in pain. A week later I lost my cousin/god-mother. She took her own life. What happened still baffles me, but what gets me through it is seeing her as an angel that was put into my life for a reason. I am thankful for encouragement she shared; that I need to keep being me and continue following my dreams, but most of all I am thankful for the bond my mom and I had with her. I will never forget those honest and real moments and the examples of the  being real and honest with yourself, that you NEED to do what makes you happy and laugh CONSTANTLY. 

All those experiences have helped me look at my home base (my parents) in another light. 

As I reflect on those experiences... I'm even more grateful for my parents and what they had taught me; that I need to be thankful for every moment I experience and live in the moment as much as possible and even more so with the loss and gains I have experienced. I really try my best at it with the many pictures I take and being sure to laugh and appreciate all moments as if it was the last and when. Many that really know me... know that is the truth.

I'm thankful for parents and brother, especially the new found relationship I've developed with my sister. My immediate family has taught me a lot. 

I'm thankful for my Mom and EMPHASIS she put on kindness and the importance of loving and wearing your heart on you sleeve, but most of all doing something with ALL your heart. NEVER HALF ASS SOMETHING OR BE a TOY... if You say your going to do something... DO IT. 

I'm thankful for my DAD. He has taught me to be strong-willed, confident, determined, and hard-working. The life he has lived and the success that followed gives me the drive and determination that I can do it too... with what I love. 

I'm thankful for my brother. He has taught me patience. He has taught me not to worry. He has taught me to not take things to heart, that things get thrown out of context and when it comes down to it I need to be understanding of others and love. He is the greatest big brother anyone could ask for and I'm lucky he was chosen to be mine. 

I could write more, but this past years experience is what I am TRULY THANKFUL FOR. It has been quite the year and I know I'm only bound to face more. I have developed a different way of looking at life I'm learning and still developing that I do too.

 I am thankful for this crazy beautiful life of mine, but to sum up what I have learned is that... RUIN IS THE ROAD TO TRANSFORMATION... SO BE THANKFUL! We need to be prepared for endless waves of transformation, because it will always lead to something new... good or bad... its part of life, but how we accept it and deal with them is what matters most.

With Love & Gratitude. 


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